Walk a Mile in my Shoes! - by Andrea Waddell

When people tell me I shouldn’t go for a run when it’s dark outside (because I’m just ‘asking for trouble’ from ‘dangerous characters’), I usually respond with my fairly standard snarky retort: “Well, don’t you think these ‘dangerous characters’ you’re referring to are the ones that need to stay indoors?”

So when I was asked to write a piece on what it’s like to walk in my shoes, as a woman what precautions I take to remain safe, I didn’t expect the list to be very extensive. I’m not the paranoid type, and I’ve never been a fan of running personal surveillance on myself; having to plan my life around what ‘might’ or ‘could’ happen.  I still run late at night, have lived and traveled on my own, and so far, I’ve been lucky....

But despite my resistance, there are plenty of small precautionary measures I take to increase my odds of safety without sacrificing my lifestyle. These have become so habitual, to the point where I didn’t even realize the extent of them all until I started writing about it.

Here are just a few:

Walking alone late at night:

When walking late at night, I’m extra aware of my surroundings.

·         I walk in well lit areas if the option is available.

·         If there are two sides of the street to choose from, I pick the one with the most light and activity, so there are more people around.

·         If possible, I let people know where I’m going to be, with my expected arrival time.

·         If I know I’m going to be walking alone late at night I also make sure I’m wearing the most comfortable shoes possible. If I’m going out for a night of dancing, I pick the worn-in heels!

·         I don’t listen to my iPod (So I can hear what’s going on around me);

·         And sometimes I even call a friend.  I feel safer knowing that if anything were to happen, someone would immediately know something was wrong.

When using a car alone:

Whether I’m driving to an appointment or the grocery store there are a few things I’m always cognizant of when parking and returning to my parked car.

• I lock the doors as soon as I’m out of the vehicle.
• When I’m heading to the parking lot again, I try and find my keys inside the building so I’m not digging through my Mary Poppins’ abyss of a purse! 
• Upon returning I look inside the vehicle to see if anything looks out of place and to see if anyone is hiding inside.

• If it looks fine, I quickly look around and make sure no one is close by before unlocking and entering the vehicle.
• If someone is getting into the car beside mine on the driver’s side, I wait.
• I don’t unlock the car until I’ve checked it out and I’m right beside the driver’s side door - even then, I only unlock the driver’s door.
• Upon entering the car I lock ALL the doors immediately.

A few other little things I do just to be safe:

• I avoid renting apartments on the first floor.
• Same goes for hotel rooms. I always try and stay off street level. If I have to be on street level, I pick a suite without direct access to the outside/street.

So, what’s the verdict - Am I paranoid, over the top? Not even close… but I am surprised at how many precautionary (albeit unconscious/habitual) measures I take to help avoid potentially dangerous situations. And I’m fairly certain I’m just scratching the surface when it comes to the things women do to increase their level of safety.

But here’s the thing…So what. Why does this list of precautionary measures matter? For me, the answer lies in why I walk.  Women deserve to BE and FEEL safe, and the White Ribbon Campaign is dedicated, and has been for the over 20 years, to help women and men like myself who believe that a future without violence is possible, and hopefully within our lifetime.

For all the women reading this post I would urge you to take a moment and share what it’s like to walk in YOUR shoes with the men in your life. Encourage them to join you on Sept. 29^th at Yonge-Dundas Square to gain a little insight into what it’s like to walk in YOUR shoes. 

And men, for all the amazing women in your life, come to Yonge-Dundas Square, lend your support and experience what its like- if only for a mile- to walk in women’s shoes.

In the words of a popular TV sitcom character, “Challenge Extended!” 

Why I Walk a Mile in Her Shoes?

When I was 12 years old, my sister wed her boyfriend. She was 19 at the time, beautiful and shy, and madly in love. He was a handsome, rugged looking man with black hair and dark eyes. They were both very passionately in love.

Nobody would have guessed what their future held in store because there truly never was any foreshadowing sign that something would go wrong. But what was supposed to be the happiest day of her life turned out to be the beginning of 15 years of physical abuse.

And while she endured these 15 years, the rest of us - her family and friends – stood by, watching from the outside in, not knowing what to do, suffering silently along side her. Because the physical abuse didn’t start and end within their relationship: the consequences spilled over onto their three children and everybody else who knew them. We all suffered. Silently.

As a teenager, I often wondered why my sister didn’t just pack up and leave. Take the kids, grab a suitcase and run. I didn’t condemn her for staying, but I didn’t understand why she did. I loved my sister whole heartedly (and still do), so I did everything a young teenager could do to help out. If her husband was in jail for some reason or other, I would go spend time with her and help with the kids or with chores around the house. But I never once asked why she stayed with him. I never once passed judgement, because I simply didn’t understand.

I didn’t understand the immense fear that possessed my sister. And that fear was so deeply entrenched in her thoughts and emotions that she could not take that first step towards regaining her freedom and reclaiming her life.  And none of us around her knew what to do, nor if anything could actually be done.  I guess we all felt that fear. I guess we all let that fear take over our common sense.

Yet one day, for some reason, something changed. My sister decided she had had enough. Perhaps from courage or perhaps exhaustion, she decided to stop it all. She chose to leave her husband. Today, some 13 years later or so, my sister is living a life that she wants, deserves and loves.

This is why I choose to Walk. It’s why I choose to take a stand against violence in all its forms. Because I love my sister, and I never want to know of anyone else enduring such violence. And if my sister can take that courageous step towards a new life, then I can take a simple step in committing some time and energy in bringing an end to violence in my world.

In the last several years, I have chosen to do what I can to help bring an end to violence against women and children. I worked for the Montreal Assault Prevention Centre as a Child Abuse Prevention Project intervener, and today I Chair the Walk a Mile in Her Shoes® Fundraising Campaign in Toronto for the White Ribbon Campaign.

I truly believe in my heart that if every person takes a step, a simple step such as participating in the walk, or donating money to the cause, or clothing to a shelter, or a listening ear to a person in need of help, then together we can create a world without violence, a world where no one lives in fear.

Join us on September 29, 2011 over the lunch hour at Yonge-Dundas Square to Walk A Mile in Her Shoes®.  

Who are you willing to take steps for?

Louis-Michel Taillefer

Co-Chair Steering Committee

Walk a Mile in Her Shoes® Toronto